Just ask anyone who has been in a long-term relationship, and they'll tell you that a solid partnership isn't defined by sporadic extravagant acts; rather, it's formed through consistent minor efforts made day-to-day.
Recently, we reached out to our Facebook community to ask them about the small everyday routines that help maintain a strong and joyful relationship.
According to reader Andrea G., "Maintaining a marriage with the same individual over such an extended period is undoubtedly challenging. However, these small gestures can make it somewhat more manageable."
Here’s what we learned:
1. They fantasize about their shared future.
We fantasize and discuss all the aspirations we harbor for our careers and personal lives, even though we're acutely aware that we lack both the stamina and funds needed to make them happen. Nevertheless, sharing these dreams with each other continues to propel us forward. Lama H.
2. They make each other laugh.
“Every day we discover something to chuckle at, even if it’s merely a moan induced by a terrible Dad joke.” Heather W.
52 years old as of August. Laugh at yourself and share laughter with others. — Ma P.
3. They have coffee together in the morning.
Thirty-two years have passed since we started this journey. Each morning, we find a brief moment—usually around a few minutes—to sit down and share a cup of coffee together. In the evenings, our aim is typically to dine as a family almost every night. These peaceful start and finish lines throughout the day significantly aid in keeping us bonded. Of course, I realize that maintaining such routines could become considerably more challenging when young children are involved; nonetheless, they remain worthwhile endeavors to pursue whenever feasible.
We consistently aim to plan a holiday, journey, or gathering for some point down the line so we have topics of conversation beyond just our children or jobs. I want you to know that maintaining a marriage with the same partner over such an extended period requires significant effort; however, these small gestures certainly make it somewhat more manageable. Andrea G.
4. They share their meals.
Marked our 44th wedding anniversary earlier this month. Since retiring eight years ago, he wakes up early every morning to prepare breakfast, then gives me a call so we can enjoy it together while solving the New York Times crossword puzzles. It’s a delightful way to kick off each day. Val F.
We enjoy having coffee in the living room during mornings, where we converse and catch some news. We share meals for both lunch and dinner in the dining area. Both of us appreciate nature and simply relax on our deck. Christine K.
5. They catch up with one another.
“Consistently, consistently inquire about their day with genuine interest—listen attentively.” — Annie M.
6. They always share kisses at parting and bedtime.
53 years. We express our affection for one another all day long, always share a farewell kiss at night and when parting ways. Jenny C.
We always make sure to kiss goodbyes before leaving the house, regardless of whether someone is sleeping. Tammy F.
Nearly 48 years have passed. Each evening, I receive three kisses before bedtime. We cherish our time together. We deeply enjoy the company of our children and granddaughters, whose presence fills our lives with joy. Marcia K.
7. They frequently express gratitude, acknowledging both minor favors and significant ones.
We began our relationship at 17, tied the knot at 22, and have been together for three decades now. Marriage has its ups and downs; finding the right balance can take ages. We understand when to fully commit and when to step back. Expressing gratitude plays a significant role.
“The bottom line, however, is about dedication. Getting married was never an option, not even during the hardest moments. The two goodnight kisses each evening also play their part.” Beth S.
"We express our appreciation for everything they do and also maintain gratitude journals." — Esmy S.
8. They do not critique one another.
Thirty-seven years. We've endured decades of life shared both separately and collectively. We follow a policy where we avoid all criticisms; after all, there’s an abundance of critics out there. Each evening during dinner, we raise our glasses, lock eyes with each other, smile, and salute. Julia
9. They attempt to retire for the night simultaneously.
We consistently retire for the night simultaneously. Nobody pulls all-nighters separately nor sleeps apart on the sofa. Each of us expresses gratitude towards one another over minor acts of kindness. Every dawn, we share a cup of coffee within our hot tub as company. Whenever chores arise that either dislikes doing individually, both pitch in together. Our relationship spans back from our high school days totaling three and half decades. Kelly B.
10. They discover small means to ease each other's burden.
“We’ve been married for 44 years. We show appreciation by doing little things for each other. He makes my tea in the morning. I wash his coffee pot as my hands are small enough. Every day at 3 p.m. when the sun shines into the living room windows on my preferred seat, he closes the blinds and says ‘143,’ which means ‘I love you.’ It’s just little things that mean, ‘I’m thinking about you.’” — Janet B.
“He makes me coffee every morning and packs my lunch because I’m not a morning person. I make his bed on the sofa because he is disabled and can’t come upstairs to bed.” — Lori E.
11. They enjoy watching an excellent series as a team.
Tell each other amusing tales daily. Watch TV series back-to-back that you both like. Play Wordle separately each day and later exchange your outcomes. Annie K.
The highlight of my day is when we watch television series and mini-series together at night before going to sleep. PBS is a great source for intriguing content. Deborah J.
12. However, they also act independently from each other.
Show kindness, use 'please' and 'thank you,' communicate openly, enjoy both shared and individual times. Function as a unit, collaborate effectively, and express your affection regularly. Always resolve conflicts before sleeping. — Beverly L.
13. They utter 'I love you.'
Give each other kisses and say 'I love you' multiple times every day — regardless of circumstances. Stacie C.
The responses have been slightly modified for clarity and brevity.
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