Polite words It can occasionally lead to confusion. One particular Sunday morning from years back remains vividly etched in my memory. That day, I found myself attending service at our local church alongside my small kids. Following the conclusion of the sermon, an individual began praying—a rather lengthy prayer at that. Seated next to me, my second child, who couldn’t have been more than three years old at the time, abruptly rose onto his feet and shouted out "Amen." Before I could intervene, he raised his voice even higher: "'I said Amen! It’s all done now! Amen!!'"
That was when I (along with everyone else present) understood that my toddler interpreted the word as amen meant "the conclusion of the prayer" and believed that saying it would bring his prayer to an end. This reasoning was understandable for him, and it is A courteous term across different scenarios—but it surely wasn’t the most refined manner to employ it at that precise moment. (To be honest, no expression is genteel when shouted from atop a pew during a service.)
Even though my son never achieved that etiquette mistake Once again, I've had numerous discussions with my children throughout the years regarding proper politeness when speaking. This seems like such a straightforward concept! Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone mastered this skill before reaching elementary school? However, being an etiquette author for over ten years now, I must inform you that this is not always true. (My career would have been short-lived otherwise!) Indeed, determining which phrases are appropriate and using them correctly can sometimes prove challenging. Yet, according to etiquette specialist Lizzie Post, who serves as co-president of the Emily Post Institute, there exists a useful guideline. She suggests asking oneself: "Will what I'm planning to say positively influence another individual?" Merely possessing the insight to consider how one's actions might impact others could prevent most common social blunders.
We requested Post, together with three additional etiquette professionals, to provide us with courteous expressions and phrases that should be incorporated into daily discussions, email communications, and text messages to ensure politeness. unknowingly appear unciviliated Keep reading to discover whether you're as courteous as you can be.
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I'm glad to see you.
This is my go-to courteous expression for everyday interactions, whether I'm writing about etiquette or just living my life. Whenever someone inquires about my well-being, I frequently respond with, "It's great to see you!" This approach sets a cheerful tone right away and adds excitement compared to simply saying "I'm fine." Additionally, it allows me to avoid sharing too much personal information casually. While there are instances where I might share detailed updates on my state of mind, during brief encounters like those at the supermarket or fitness center, exclaiming "So wonderful to see you all!" accompanied by a wide grin seems far preferable—plus, it reflects my genuine feelings since I truly am delighted to run into these people!
According to Post, this courteous expression can indeed be quite valuable. She explains, "Seeing someone’s face light up with happiness upon your arrival is truly wonderful!" Additionally, expressing genuine delight at seeing them doesn't just brighten their day; it enhances your own mood as well. However, authenticity is key here—people often sense insincerity, so make sure your sentiments ring true.
“Hello”
“Take the time to say hello "especially when you're in a setting where you frequently encounter the same individuals," notes business etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore, who founded the Protocol School of Palm Beach. She points out that acknowledging someone helps you make an impression. and leaves a favorable and enduring impression. "Despite encountering an unknown individual, they might represent the board of directors, a key contributor, or hold significance for members of your family, and you've created a positive connection." good impression That will remain with them," which makes it significant. business etiquette rule too.
“Please”
When you think of etiquette rules and polite words, please Is likely among the first that spring to mind—and for valid reasons, according to Post. It’s one of those courteous terms you ought to incorporate into your everyday vocabulary. Just uttering this word can make a difference. please Transforming an order into a request demonstrates respect and consideration for the individual you're addressing. This effectively illustrates how incorporating just one additional word can alter the overall tone of your communication completely. conversation .
“Thank you”
"Whether someone is taking extra steps to do things they aren’t obligated to, such as holding a door for you or doing regular tasks like making your coffee, saying ' thank you 'A minor gesture that shows someone they are valued,' Whitmore states. Taking a pause to recognize another individual and offering them your focus is a kind act that reveals much about your character.
"Thanks" is likewise one of the go-to expressions for many people. Today Host Al Roker, often referred to as "the nicest man in America." When I questioned him during an interview, he responded with his usual kindness. recent interview He recounted a recent heartwarming incident saying, "Earlier today, something small yet meaningful happened when I opened a door for someone else. Opening doors can be considerate by itself; however, what made this moment special was that after holding the door, the individual responded with 'thanks.' That appreciation felt wonderful! Simply acknowledging one good deed with another creates such positivity. Although it might seem insignificant, these minor acts of courtesy accumulate over time."
“You’re welcome”
After being thanked, the polite response Is "you're welcome" or perhaps " my pleasure —however, responding 'no problem' conveys the incorrect impression, according to etiquette authority Candace Smith, who established Etiquette for the Business of Life. Why? Answering thanks with 'no problem' can come off as dismissive; it suggests that what you did was effortless for you. This might be interpreted as implying that the act of kindness was bothersome or even troublesome. By slightly adjusting how you respond, you communicate a far more favorable sentiment.
I'm really interested in hearing what you think about...
One of the foremost attributes of a courteous individual is listening "Attentiveness towards others goes beyond merely staying silent as they speak," explains Post. "A good listener encourages them to express their ideas and genuinely concentrates on understanding what they're sharing." Such courteous encouragement elevates the speaker's sense of worth, fostering favorable sentiments toward you—an advantageous outcome for both parties involved. Keep in mind that this approach proves effective solely when you actively participate in the dialogue and demonstrably show your interest in hearing their reply.
Can I assist you with...?
Disregarding someone who’s having difficulty carrying a parcel or handling a heavy workload demonstrates a deficiency in compassion. By pausing to lend them a hand, your action transcends mere courtesy and enters the realm of kindness. kindness “It’s these small gestures of compassion that sustain our community,” Post states. Nonetheless, the guidelines for offering assistance have evolved over time. She recommends, "Inquire first about providing courteses such as assisting with a coat, holding a door open, or anything similar." This approach is considered more courteous compared to statements like 'Let me assist you with your coat' or 'Allow me to handle that for you.' While those expressions may be well-intentioned, they remove the individual choice from the recipient. In my view, this nuanced shift in our social norms represents one of the smartest updates to manners guidance we’ve seen in quite some time."
Also, don’t say “ Is there something you'd like to assist with? Although it comes from a good place, the individual will probably refuse because they don’t wish to impose or are uncertain about your availability and capabilities. Instead, propose concrete assistance such as "Could I deliver dinner for you sometime tomorrow or Friday?"
“Excuse me”
If you invade someone's personal space—regardless of whether it was intentional or accidental—it's important to acknowledge this and seek their consent. offer an apology Smith points out that "excuse me" can be used to restore balance in a conversation and acts as a means to capture someone's attention, create an opportunity for leaving politely, or smoothly shift topics.
That's very thoughtful of you.
Respond to an act of kindness by employing this courteous expression. As etiquette specialist Sharon Schweitzer, who founded Access to Culture, points out, "It can be difficult for individuals to accept compliments." However, dismissing them might suggest that you do not appreciate what was said. complimented She recommends responding to compliments with "That’s very kind of you." This response expresses appreciation and remains modest.
“I’m sorry”
Admitting your errors and offering apologies isn’t merely courteous—it demonstrates strong ethical qualities. "Everybody should learn how to give an polite apology According to Post, "This is a core principle of proper etiquette." A key element of an effective apology is beginning with humility using phrases like "I'm sorry for..." rather than starting with "I'm sorry but...". Additionally, sincerity is crucial. Offering an apology does not necessarily imply agreement with another individual or accepting responsibility for actions that were not your fault. It can just recognize that you regret how your actions affected their emotions. "A sincere apology frequently initiates a more extensive discussion," Post says additionally.
“Welcome!”
“ Good etiquette “Being inclusive rather than exclusive” is Post’s stance, emphasizing that far too often, courtesy is treated like a velvet barrier. This isn’t about setting up barriers to exclude others or forming an elite circle with hidden codes of conduct; instead, it’s all about ensuring everybody feels welcomed. A straightforward method for achieving this? Simply say "welcome." Regardless of whether you're welcoming a newcomer into your social circle, acknowledging a colleague who seems isolated, or extending an invitation to a neighbor, uttering those two words makes individuals instantly feel part of the community right away. Welcoming someone could mean opening your doors physically or integrating them metaphorically within a gathering or dialogue—nobody enjoys feeling excluded from these interactions.
“It’s OK”
According to Post, one of the finest presents you can bestow upon someone else—and among the most courteous acts—is granting them forgiveness. She advises, "Don't sweat the small stuff." Imagine this: someone treads on your toe, cuts ahead of you in traffic, or fails to recall your name—these minor incidents aren't worth dwelling on. A memory etched in my mind involves an incident where a woman accidentally scratched the side of my vehicle with her door at a parking lot. Since it was merely a slight dent and my car wasn’t anything special anyway, I reassured her not to feel bad about it. Her visible sense of ease after hearing me say, "It’s fine; really nothing," spoke volumes. Adding to this sentiment, Post remarks, "Should everyone extend such kindnesses toward others regularly, our world would undoubtedly become more pleasant."
And, if possible, also release yourself from major grievances. This doesn’t mean allowing negative conduct without consequence; you can show mercy yet still demand responsibility for someone's deeds. It revolves around releasing your rage and pain. While this isn't simple—as genuinely pardoning those who've inflicted harm upon us ranks among our toughest challenges—it certainly pays off. As the well-known saying goes, "Clinging to anger is akin to swallowing poison hoping the other person will perish," which holds truth.
“Great job”
It's simpler to identify everyone's mistakes than their achievements. Human nature tends toward negativity after all. However, acknowledging when individuals succeed isn’t much harder—once your perspective shifts towards spotting those positives. "Make an effort to notice what others excel at and bring attention to these moments," advises Post. A straightforward comment like, “Fantastic work on that project—I noticed the numerous evenings you spent working late.” could brighten someone’s entire day. People crave recognition and visibility.
Additional reporting by Liesa Goins.
About the experts
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Why trust us
Reader’s Digest Has released numerous etiquette narratives designed to assist readers in mastering communication amid evolving norms. Our coverage frequently includes guidelines for crafting suitable messages for various occasions, scrutinizing seemingly courteous practices that may not be as universally accepted, along with insights into email and texting decorum, workplace manners, tipping proprieties, travel courtesies, and additional areas. We uphold rigorous standards by enlisting authors skilled and seasoned within their domain, consulting with pertinent specialists when necessary. Our research hinges upon credible primary resources from governmental bodies, industry associations, educational establishments, supplemented by our contributors' practical encounters where fitting. This article regarding considerate terminology was crafted leveraging the insight of Charlotte Hilton Andersen, an experienced long-time scribe focusing specifically on matters of etiquette and interpersonal exchange. Reader’s Digest Next, Jacqueline Whitmore, an esteemed professional with over three decades of expertise in business etiquette and hospitality consulting, who also runs the Protocol School of Palm Beach, conducted a thorough examination to confirm the accuracy of all details and provide the most valuable guidance for her audience. Read more about our approach here. team , our contributors and ourselves editorial policies .
Sources:
- Lizzie Post, an etiquette authority and co-president of the Emily Post Institute , co-author of Emily Post's Etiquette: The Centennial Edition , author of Higher Etiquette and co-host of the Awesome Etiquette podcast ; telephone interview, October 8, 2024
- Candace Smith etiquette authority and creator of Etiquette for the Business of Life
- Jacqueline Whitmore , business etiquette expert and founded the Protocol School located in Palm Beach
- Sharon Schweitzer etiquette authority and the creator of Access to Culture
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