Small talk It frequently receives negative feedback. Sometimes, it might seem uncomfortable, shallow, and insignificant—especially if you're not executing it properly.
However, it's one of the strongest assets at your disposal. build relationships , project a confident aura and even elevate your spirits.
The issue with much of casual conversation is that it occurs mindlessly, implying that individuals often engage without really thinking about what they're saying. asking questions They can already forecast the responses to, like:
- "How are you?"
- "How's the weather?"
- "How was your weekend?"
Whenever you query theautopilot, you can nearly ensure that you will receive autopilot replies:
Certainly, when posing inquiries to theautopilot, anticipate receiving answers that sound equally automated.
If you pose questions to theautopilot, expect its responses to mirror an automated pattern;
Each time you address queries to theautopilot, you might as well assume your answers will come from theautopilot itself;
Should you question theautopilot, be prepared for feedback that sounds just as mechanical;
Every time you seek information from theautopilot, you're likely to hear back with pre-programmed-like retorts:
By asking theautopilot anything, you pretty much know what kind of robotic-type reactions you’ll elicit;
- I'm doing well, thank you. And how are you?
- "It's so cold!"
- My weekend was great, thank you. And how was yours?
Looking for a way to avoid mindless small talk? Try conversational threading .
The strength of conversation flow
Conversational threading is a method that fosters deeper engagement through the creation or exploration of “threads” — essentially engaging snippets that promote smoother and more captivating dialogue.
It can assist you in having more effective discussions in both your private and work-related interactions, regardless of the situation. job interview , at a networking event, in a team meeting, at a party, or in line at a coffee shop.
Here’s how you can utilize it:
Provide some strands for folks to consider.
Suppose someone asks you the standard question, “How was your weekend?” Rather than providing a bland response, you could reply, “I had an excellent time over the weekend! I went for a hike and also attended my niece’s birthday party.” This way, you’ve presented them with two potential topics: they may inquire further about your hike or show interest in your niece’s celebration.
Below are additional examples to assist you in enhancing your responses to typical small talk openers:
Question: What draws you to this event/place?
Autopilot answer: "I'm here for work."
Better answer: I’m here to gain deeper insights into [X topic], which will assist my team in reaching [Y objective]. It’s thrilling to connect with like-minded individuals. What brings you here today?
Question: "How are you?"
Autopilot answer: I'm doing well. As busy as ever, you understand how things go!
Better answer: I'm doing well! Work has kept me quite busy lately, but I've just embarked on a new project that I find very thrilling. What about you?
Question: "How's it going?"
Autopilot answer: "Things are good on my end."
Better answer: I've been concentrating on finalizing [X project] and am looking forward to presenting it at the all-hands meeting next week. I would really appreciate hearing your feedback afterward!
Tug at other people's strands
Effective listening is crucial if you aim to recognize which topics to explore further. Take for instance when you inquire about someone’s origin, and they answer “San Francisco.” Typically, one would reciprocate by sharing their own place of origin, but this could lead to an uneventful exchange.
Rather than doing anything else, take hold of the piece of information you have been provided with and pose an additional query For example, "What do you enjoy most about residing there?"
You may choose to share your personal stories about San Francisco to continue the dialogue. By revealing more about yourself, it typically encourages the other individual to become more forthcoming with their own information too.
If you find yourself unsure about how to keep a conversation going because the other person isn’t offering much to work with, try making an observation about your surroundings. This approach is especially effective during video calls when you can discuss items visible behind them, such as artwork or photographs—or even inquire about their chosen virtual backdrop.
Pose more effective questions to initiate discussions
You can encourage more engaging conversation by tweaking your small talk questions to better facilitate conversational threading. For example:
Common question: "How are you?"
Better question: "What are you excited to be working on?"
Common question: "How was your weekend?
Better question: What stood out as the best part of your weekend?
Common question: "What brought you to this event?"
Better question: What has been your most enjoyable insight up until now?
It can be particularly useful to have some standby questions ready if you're still honing this skill.
Use positive language
Tweaking your small talk questions and responses to use more positive language — words like "excited," "highlight" and "favorite" — primes you and the other person to think about your conversation more positively.
Try using positive words as you provide and pull on threads next time you talk to someone. I'm excited for you to have deeper, more interesting conversations from here on out.
Lorraine K. Lee is an award-winning virtual keynote speaker and CEO of RISE Learning Solutions. She's also the best-selling author of Unforgettable Impact: Stand Out, Become an Influence Leader, and Skyrocket Your Career , recognized as a must-read by the Next Big Idea Club. She leads well-received courses at both LinkedIn Learning and Stanford Continuing Studies. Her previous clients encompass companies like Zoom, Cisco, LinkedIn, ASICS, McKinsey & Company, among numerous others.
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