A parent's role isn't about protecting their child from life's difficulties, but to guide them through — providing assistance and resources to assist them in flourishing during challenging periods .
As a children's life specialist and counselor I have collaborated with numerous children and their families who were dealing with illnesses, traumas, grief, and losses. Through these experiences, I've noticed the phrases and behaviors indicating that a child is successfully adapting to life’s unavoidable challenges.
It's not about maintaining composure or refraining from crying. Instead, it involves employing techniques and abilities to handle, endure, and lessen stress as it occurs. This is precisely why kids who deal with challenges effectively tend to have high emotional intelligence They excel at recognizing their own emotions and employ constructive methods to handle them effectively.
Pay attention to these six phrases you may overhear from children with high emotional intelligence:
1. It's alright to feel sad.
Children who possess a high level of emotional intelligence probably do so because reliable grown-ups who have instructed them It's alright to shed tears, and every emotion is acceptable.
They understand that it’s normal to experience sadness, anger, frustration, or worry when faced with challenging circumstances. Similarly, they’ve come to realize that it’s perfectly fine to enjoy happy, joyous, or lighthearted moments even during difficult periods.
2. 'I require some distance'
Kids who have effective coping mechanisms can identify and handle their feelings. They are aware of the red flags such as quickened thoughts, an increased heart rate, tight muscles, or a churning sensation in their belly, and they feel at ease requesting what they require.
They could go to their " coping corner To allow themselves the opportunity for deeper breathing exercises, they may choose to grab a pinwheel or blow bubbles.
It’s probable that they acquired these abilities by observing their parents demonstrate self-control and honest dialogue.
3. 'Are you okay?'
Emotionally intelligent children can recognize emotions in others , indeed. They recognize that both grown-ups and children may experience intense emotions during challenging periods, and that each person deals with these situations uniquely.
They might be the first to recognize that when their friend When someone is upset, they might require some space or a comforting hug, and both responses are acceptable.
They inherently empathize with others and effortlessly feel at ease when listening to someone else’s viewpoint. They honor those individuals' needs and collaborate effectively.
They realize that despite their parent being emotionally charged, love, care, and safety are always present.
4. 'I don't like…'
Children who've practiced setting boundaries People who know how they want to be treated generally possess high emotional intelligence. They can articulate their requirements, desires, and emotions clearly while also being considerate of others' feelings.
They could express, "It bothers me when you use my belongings without permission," or, "It upsets me when I'm unsure of what will happen next." Alternatively, they may voice other comments beginning with:
- "I'm not okay with…"
- I'd rather not discuss...
- I don't find it pleasant/humorous when...
They also make sure to respect the needs of both their siblings and their friends.
5. 'I made a mistake'
This statement suggests that a child possesses self-reflection abilities and remains unburdened by shame. Rather than fearing errors or acknowledging them with trepidation, they can discuss these issues openly and engage in finding solutions to enhance the scenario or condition at hand.
They also acknowledge areas where they could have improved or acted differently, as they understand that mistakes are part of our learning process. grow, learn, and develop through challenges.
6. 'I've got a notion'
Confidence and creativity In problem-solving, indicators of emotional intelligence and healthy coping can be observed. Children who have encountered challenging circumstances have learned to collaborate with both their peers and trustworthy adults to identify practical solutions or ways forward.
They feel secure sharing their thoughts, insights, and attributes, while simultaneously being open to hearing and absorbing input from those around them.
As children encounter hurdles and repercussions within a secure setting, they have the opportunity to hone their decision-making abilities and adaptability. This process also aids in fostering their emotional intelligence and boosting their confidence levels.
It starts with you
If your kids aren't saying these things yet, don't worry. Emotional intelligence and coping skills take time to develop and often begin with parenting.
Begin by demonstrating these actions yourself. Children learn most effectively when they see behaviors exemplified.
Kelsey Mora is a certified Child Life Specialist and licensed clinical professional counselor offering personalized assistance, advice, and materials to parents, families, and communities affected by medical issues, trauma, bereavement, and regular life stresses. She runs her own private practice, is a mother of two children, and is both the founder and writer behind The Method Workbooks , and serves as the Chief Clinical Officer for the non-profit organization Pickles Group .
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